Ole and Lena Jokes
With a name like Karen Snyder, I may not sound Swedish, but Anna Lena, my great-grandmother came from Sweden. Now I would never tell a Swedish joke, but, oh, those Norwegians…….Do I have some jokes about them!
You’ve probably heard of those famous Norwegians, Ole and Lena. Well, in some circles I’m known for my Ole and Lena jokes. They are really much better delivered in person, ’cause I’ve got the accent down pat. In fact, that’s the main reason I tell them–I love to talk like a Scan-da-hoo-vian!
Ole at the Norse Hall
One night, der in Minnie-sota, the police were parked on the street just beyond the Norske Hall. It was just about closing time, and they were sure they’d be able to pick up someone for a DUI. It wasn’t long before Ole came out onto the porch, swaying a little. ”Aha!” they thought, “we’ve got a sure thing here.” Ole stood on the porch for a few minutes and a few of his friends left the hall, gave him a good-night slap on the back, and drove away. Finally, Ole attempts to get down the stairs. With a little stumbling and starting, he finally makes it to the bottom, then leans of the handrail. The police can hardly wait for him to get to his car and drive away. While he rests, a few more friends leave and bid him good-night. Finally Ole staggers over to his car. It takes him several attempts to get his keys into the door, but he finally gets it open. He climbs in, pitches forward and hits the horn with his forehead. The horn blasts startles him, and he finally puts the key in the ignition and starts the car. The police are getting impatient, but they know they can’t do anything until he leaves the parking lot. Ole finally gets the car in gear, pulls forward, stops, backs up, stops. By now, the parking lot is just about empty and Ole finally pulls onto the street. The minute he does, the police are right behind him with their lights flashing.
Ole pulls over and one of the officers walks up to his window. ”Had a little too much to drink tonight, Ole?” He asks. ”Oh, no,” Ole says. I’ve only been drinkin’ da Coca Cola tonight.”
“Well,” says the officer, “I think you need to take a sobriety test for us.”
“Ya, sure,” says Ole. So, he gets out of the car. The officer asks him to close his eyes, extend his arm, and touch his finger to his nose. Ole does it perfectly! The officer is quite surprised, so he asks Ole to walk a straight line. Again, Ole performs flawlessly.
“I’m, quite surprised you’re doing so well, Ole,” the officer says. Would you mind taking a breathalizer test for us?”
“No, I don’t mind,” says Ole. He takes the test and nothing registers.
Puzzled, the officer says, “Ole, I don’t understand. We watched you leave the Norsk Hall. You appeared to have been drinking quite heavily.”
“Oh, no,” said Ole. ”Tonight I was the designated decoy!”
Ole and Lena’s First Baby
Lena is pregnant with Ole’s child. Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, I tink it’s time!’
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, ‘A son! Ain’t dat great!’
Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, ’Hold on! We ain’t finished vet!’ The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, ‘Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!’ She’s a pretty little ting, too.’
Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, ’Holey Moley, Ole we still ain’t done vet!’ The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!’
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine.
He was real serious and he asked Lena , ’How come we got tree on the first try?’
Lena said, ‘You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the barn and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?’
Ole said, ‘Yeah, I do. Uffda! It’s a dam good ting I didn’t get the WD-40 !!!!!!.